This is a bit of a deep post… so beewwaaarrre…
I write about being a mom, a lot. It’s fun and it’s exciting for me and I can probably write a post about something funny I think my kids did every single day, but if you’re a reader of my blog, maybe you’re sick of hearing about how Ava stuck a carrot up her nose for the 500th time. I don’t blame you. So, here is me opening up a little bit.
I’ve always sort of, kind of (maybe I’m in a little bit of denial) struggled with my happiness. It’s not something I’ve expressed to anyone. Not family, nor friends. Mostly just my husband knows that I’ve almost lost my marbles a few times (sorry babe). I never considered myself depressed, or to a point where I’ve really needed to talk to someone to sort out my unhappiness, but mostly just someone who struggled with ‘finding that happy place’. You get me? If not, keep reading and let me ‘splain Lucy…
As women, we all struggle with some type of insecurity, right? I’m sure men do too but I don’t believe to the extent women do. Perfect example happened yesterday. So it was my birthday on Tuesday and I went down to our mall to the Benefit Brow Bar for my free birthday brow! By the way, if you have one of these in your area, GO. They’re AMAZING. As I was wandering around one of the artists walked up to me and asked if I needed help. I told her no thank you, and continued to smell new perfumes and test out new glosses. I had about another 10 minutes before my appointment time and had eyeballed a new children’s boutique right outside of Macy’s. As I was walking out, the same make-up artist walked up me again and asked if she could show me some new product. Ehhh, fiiiine you sucked me in lady. As she was testing the new gimmie brow on me, my insecurity started to sink in knowing that my brows obviously weren’t in the greatest condition considering I was there to get them cleaned up. Her response?
“Fake it till you make it girl!”
I about fell to the ground laughing. Is this who we have become as women? Are we just walking false advertisements? Don’t get me wrong, I really love beauty products and make-up is fun, but I realized as she was staring at my face I felt as though I needed to follow up with excuses as to why my eyebrows were a certain way. I shouldn’t feel as though I need to explain myself to a complete stranger. Give me a break, but hey it was a struggling insecurity that I didn’t feel my damn brows weren’t good enough! Stupid, right?
Insecurities. Done. I struggle with them daily, and it really does affect my happiness. Which is pretty sad when you think about it. My solution? Learning to love myself. It sounds easier than it is. Becoming a mama, your entire body changes and you live with those changes for the rest of your life. My husband can tell me over and over again how much he loves the way I look, but that little devil on my shoulder still sits and whispers into my ear and reminds me about all the things that I hate. I’m learning slowly to brush him off. I try to eat healthy, stay fit, and take care of myself the best I can. Ladies, WATER, WATER, WATER! It really does wonders.
This picture is perfect. It sums up so much for me.
Another thing that drives me absolutely up the wall, but what I also let affect me enough to ruin my happy place is fear. I fear for the worst of things to happen, especially when times are good. Isn’t that terrible? My fear leads to unnecessary stress, all for WHAT? 99.9% of the time the things that one fears/stresses over doesn’t ever happen! What have I been doing to solve that? It’s been hard, but the first negative emotion/thought/fear/stress that comes across my mind, I replace with something that makes me smile. Normally, that tends to get my mind clear of anything bad for the moment and helps me more to focus on practicing that method more.
Like I’ve said, this has been an ongoing battle for me and I must admit that my husband has been such an amazing support through it all. Finding your happiness isn’t an easy step when certain struggles are within your heart. Most can leave you ashamed, sad, hurt, and in such a deep place where you don’t feel you can ever escape. Don’t ever be afraid to talk to someone. Even if you don’t know what it is that’s bothering you. Whether it be a loved one, a friend, or even a therapist, and even if you feel as though whatever comes from your mouth won’t make sense. Sooner or later after venting, and with possibly another’s perspective, things may come together. There were countless times in the beginning of my friendship with my husband, where I would call him crying. Word vomit would just come from my mouth and I’m sure I sounded like a complete nut job, but he listened and even if I got a tiny bit of feedback from him as to what to do to calm down, it still helped. But the mind is also a very powerful thing, and with some support, a lot of faith and hope you can turn that dark place into rays of sunshine. I promise.