I held a one month old baby this weekend, and it was almost like I had never done it before. I awed at all of the little squishy faces she was making, the little squirms and the sweet sounds. I newbie smell, the cutest little clothes and the hands and feet! Newborn hands and feet are the very best, and I don’t even like feet! It left me reminiscing about my babies and when they were that little, and for the rest of the day a deep thought stayed tucked away in the back of my mind.
Have I always been a ‘good’ mother?
I know I’ve tried to always be a good mother, but I know sometimes I break. Then I hit myself in the face for it later, and maybe lock myself in the bedroom to cry from guilt. There are dozens of parenting books, articles, blogs, and movies with advice on how to be a better parent or how to deal with certain circumstances, right? However, the only person who REALLY knows your child, is YOU. A little bit of advice from someone never hurt anyone, unless of course it was rude. Then, you can just tell them to put a sock in it!
Lately, I have felt as though I have been scolding the kids more often than loving them. When I express this to Tyler he responds with, “You’re just being a parent Jenna. Sometimes they need discipline.” WHAM. BAM. To the point. But because I yell, or scold, or threaten to spank, or send them to their room, or tell her that she will never get candy again in her life if she talks to me like that, does that make me a bad mama?
As we were winding down from our weekend last night and making dinner, I went through scenarios in my head, and came to a conclusion. You don’t always have to be a good mother, but by doing your best, makes you the best. Ava is five, and she’s testy right now. She has learned how to talk back, and say rude things. I know that isn’t who she is, and telling her to go to her room and later explaining that what she said was wrong and why, makes my a GREAT mother. At least I feel that way… Do you remember growing up and kids saying mean things to you? How did you defend yourself? When Ava is in trouble, she defends herself, but being a parent teaches them how to do it the correct way. I’m always reminding myself that I am this little person’s leader, and it’s MY responsibility to teach them the right and wrong ways of life. In their eyes you may be the biggest bully in the world at that moment, and sure enough tears will run down their cheeks, BUT luckily their attention span is that of a 10 week old puppy and they get over it fairly quickly.
I may not always be able to have my happy face on, be the life of the party for these kids, and have an assortment of fun and games ready on an every day basis, but I DO KNOW ONE THING. I do know that I can always be their friend, and always be the one to teach them. I know I can always take care of them and give them hugs and kisses when they get hurt or are sick. I know I can always explain to them why other’s are not being so nice, or build their confidence when they are struggling with something. I know I will always, always, always, be their mama and whether or not that day I’m being a ‘good’ mother doesn’t matter. In the long run, I will always be a GREAT mother, because in my heart, I know I’m raising my kids with my very best judgment, love, and faith!
I get down on myself often second guessing discipline tactics with my kids. What I’ve eventually taught myself is, don’t. Kids need it. It makes them stronger in the end, it gives them the ability to work circumstances out in their brain later, and it helps them develop as a person. Now, don’t go beating them because they called the neighborhood kid a jerk, because we all know CPS might come a knockin’ at your door, but a simple “GO TO YOUR ROOM” will suffice just fine. Then, later talking about it helps even more. Yeah, even if you yell it, because I’m guilty. Opps!