One night we were sitting with friends at dinner. I think I was eight months or so pregnant with Nolan and a girlfriend of mine looked over at me and asked, “so are you ready?” NO. NO, and NO. I was not ready. I had no idea how I was going to manage two kids. I was terrified. I didn’t know what to expect with this baby and even though it had only been four years since I’ve had a newborn, I honestly didn’t remember a damn thing! Isn’t that ridiculous? Everyone I told that to kept telling me that it would naturally all come back to me when he was born and I would jump right into it. Well, some things did, others… didn’t.
Up until recently, Nolan hasn’t been the easiest baby. Maybe it was because Ava in her infant days was super easy, or maybe it was because like I had mentioned, I just didn’t remember what to do in certain situations. Google of course doesn’t help. If they have a paper cut it could POSSIBLY be cancer. Pretty sure my husband has threatened me on numerous occasions that he was going to block WebMD and Google from the computer. He suffered from a terrible rash from a week old till the time I finally realized what it was at four months old. I’ll elaborate on that later. He was crabby and itchy those entire four months. Then, once we got that under control, he popped six teeth in two months. He’s a picky eater and a cuddle buddy. I could cuddle all day long as long as sissy is entertained and the house isn’t a mess. Reality though right?
So, the day I realized that….
I’m really not a baby person, was recently. Don’t mistaken that for me saying that I don’t enjoy being a mother, because that’s absurd. I just don’t feel that the infant/baby stage is really one that I endure going through the most. Sounds bad, right? But WAIT, don’t get me wrong. I love all the milestones you get to see them go through, and the cute little moments. I mean, who doesn’t? The fact that we have an almost five year old (WHAT?!) and she can tell me what’s wrong, have a very normal conversation with me, is verrry self-sufficient, and is really my best little friend, makes me really prefer it more. I have a very close relationship with her now since she has a better understanding about life, and as she grows it get’s more exciting each day! I’m looking forward to that with Nolan as well.
With that being said, I’m going to now sound like a complete hypocrite… BUT I’m a tiny bit sad that we made the decision that two kids was enough. Not because I’m missing the infant stage now that Nolan is very quickly turning into a little toddler, but because the bond I’ve seen develop between the two kids has truly captured my heart. Witnessing from the outside the bond they’ve formed is so amazing! Hearing laughter from the other room from both of them and watching him learn from her is so very special and I’m glad they are able to have what they do with their brother and sister love for each other. Two is a lot, but three would have been interesting.
On a side note, Nolan now can say bye, sissy, dog, baba, dada, mama, and ni ni (night night). Smarty pants!