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Pregnancy was always a love/hate thing for me. I hated the pregnancy part, but loved the birthing experience. Call me crazy, but it’s true. The nausea, the fatigue, the limitations, the weight gain, the whole body changing… really wasn’t for me. I was an unhappy, crabby pants who would complain that I wasn’t supposed to have a turkey sandwich without heating it up first. However, the entire process of labor and birth was just downright amazing to me. Even the pain… yup. I said it.
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When Nolan was about 6 weeks old, Tyler and I decided that two babies were it for us. I was completely for the idea considering my pregnancy with Nolan wasn’t the best, he was early and came quick, and our first month or so with his rash was exhausting and frustrating. At that point having another baby in our future was something that just wasn’t seen.
So, I was the one that made the inicitive and got on the phone to make his appointment. We went to the consultation together with a very fussy baby that day which made it in my mind clear that I wanted this done. My patience were in no way on my side that day, and the doctors remarks about a screaming newborn baby and two parents in a room discussing a vasectomy definitely weren’t helping either. “Oh so, this little guy is the reason for your visit today.” Yeah dude, shut it and get on with it. We had to watch a 1980′s movie about a family with two kids happily enjoying life, and their decision on getting snipped. It shows them playing in a pool, laying in bed together with the wife having no worries of getting knocked up, and two perfectly behaving children throughout the scenes. It was bogus really. Who takes that seriously? We made the decision, and concluded our visit with another appointment for his procedure.
On the big day, in the back of my mind I didn’t actually think he would go through with it. I figured maybe this was something that we would just possibly think about and then when it came down to it, we would chicken out. However, during those couple of weeks of waiting for his “big day” appointment, A LOT of thought went into whether or not we would go for baby numero tres, and all of that thought really helped us come to the realization that we officially were done. Believe it or not, that made it really easy when he walked (or should I say limped) through the door that afternoon.
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We talked about the financial aspect of three, and even went into detail as to if we did go for another, would we have to get a larger house? No, the kids could share a room… but we didn’t have to do that as we were growing up, so honestly, we didn’t find it fair. A family of four, with a kiddo barely turning one comes with a lot of financial responsibility. Not only are we still paying off hospital bills from a year ago, but health insurance, diapers, food, wipes, preschool costs, comes along with it all. Not to mention our mortgage, our car payment, gas, and other necessities that are needed. Raising a family with the financial burden is brutal at times as we all know.
Above all else, my health during my pregnancy was scary, even from the beginning. I suffered from gestational diabetes, I felt extremely sick most of the time which lead to my husband and I growing apart. Our relationship was definitely put on the back burner those nine months and I still praise him for sticking by me during those times. I was honestly the worst grump ever. We had to really watch the baby, and his weight, which meant ultrasound, after ultrasound, and test after test with me. Then, with him coming three weeks early, we were worried of his blood sugar at birth which lead him to be monitored for quite awhile after. No complications came with it, thank goodness, but since Nolan, I have felt a change internally, and I must admit I’ve never felt these changes prior to my second pregnancy. I don’t know if it’s coincidence or not, but I’m sure that if I were to have the blessing of another baby, my pregnancy would be considered high risk.
It’s been difficult lately for me to grasp the concept that this is it, and I’m okay to admit that. Maybe it’s the fact that it’s suddenly hit me that I CAN’T have another, or maybe it’s because Nolan is now slowly turning into a little toddler, and I’m craving a newborn. I’m leaning more towards that. I’m so blessed with my two little nuggets, and in the back (wayyy back) of my mind I’ll always wonder what it would be like with three or even four, but that little thought can stay tucked away. Life with four little Riley’s is awesome, above awesome… really, really, really AWESOME and I couldn’t ask for more. Plus, I must admit, seeing my husband whining and complaining of a little tiny incision the size of my pinky fingernail after I had just gone through a drug-free birth was somewhat amusing.