… and it’s not because I didn’t want to!
I’ve struggled with sharing this story for the whole world to see, but then I thought maybe it could help other mama’s who were possibly in the same predicament as I was. I feel that whatever you choose for your baby, is best because YOU chose it. Whether it be breastfeeding, or formula right away… as a mother you have that choice, right? I feel I didn’t, and here I will explain…
Both of the kids took to breastfeeding right away. I was able to have that bonding experience with Ava until the day she absolutely refused me at around eight months of age. I was glum that I wasn’t able to provide for a full year, but she knew what she wanted. Nolan did the same. He was able to latch on right away, and thankfully my milk came without problem after delivery. However, days after we brought him home we noticed a rash developing all over his face, arms, and trunk. Although, none of it was visible on his legs. A couple weeks went by, and I figured it had something to do with my diet. I started eliminating certain foods like wheat, dairy, sugar, eggs, and nuts. To make sure it wasn’t what was affecting him I would start out with a food and make sure it was absent from my diet for at least two weeks, then slowly incorporate it back in to see if it made the rash better/worse. Nothing seemed to make it better.
The poor babe at 1 month.
I had worked for a dermatologist before Nolan was born, so after a month of a miserable baby I gave up and took him in. At first glance he diagnosed it as Seborrheic Dermatitis, which is basically just cradle cap in infants. He recommended a few products, and a bland diet and when days were bad some mild hydrocortisone for relief. Another month went by, and still no relief. Mind you, throughout this time I was still trying to eliminate foods from my diet, make sure I was using fragrance free EVERYTHING including laundry detergent, and even keeping the dog away from him as much as possible. Nothing seemed to help and he WAS NOT a happy baby. Granted we get our warmest weather in the winter months, and did have a heat wave during the first couple of weeks he was born, but even without clothes on it seemed it didn’t help much but give him some relief from just being naked. My babe was MISERABLE.
Here is two months…
And then three months…
We started to see a slow improvement, but some days were better than others. The doctors, friends, and family whom I consulted with never advised me to give up on breastfeeding. His pediatrician did alert me that he may just be responding to my hormones, but it should have leveled out by the first month or so. It was obvious, his rash was not where we wanted it to be, and this made for a not so pleasant first few months of enjoying your brand new baby. I kept to exclusively breastfeeding though, and didn’t want to give up.
At his four month check up I had mentioned how emotionally exhausting it all was between the rash, and him waking up four, five, six times a night absolutely screaming. I wasn’t sure what to do. Ava was so easy as a baby, I felt like I had hit rock bottom. He advised me that possibly I wasn’t producing enough for him to stay full, so to try substituting a bottle of formula right before bed to see if he slept better. Guess what? He did.
I was both relieved, and torn that I wasn’t able to provide what my son needed to stay content. The sleep made up the gloomy moods, but I still knew in my heart something was wrong. His rash was still present, and he was still so unhappy. So that’s when I decided at four months of age, I would stop breastfeeding him. Cold turkey. No more. After I knew he took well to formula, I had a strong inkling that the rash was tied to my milk.
Sure enough, here he is at four months. 24 hours after no breast milk he was 97% cleared.
A week later, completely.
I was filled with guilt knowing I was the one making my baby so uncomfortable. Despite the fact I had tried so many different variables to find a solution to the problem, none helped. We later concluded that he was in fact allergic to the hormones in my milk, and obviously they were not leveling out quickly enough to clear his rash. I still at times feel jealously of my friends, and other mama’s around me who are still or were able to breastfeed their babies longer than I was. If we were out and I knew I had to make Nolan a bottle, I wanted to hide his can of formula. I felt ashamed, but what was I to do? I had no choice. He was a much happier baby. My husband and I did a huge amount of research on formulas during this process and concluded the best one for him would possibly break the bank, but it was free from so many ingredients many of the formulas on the shelves had. We knew he was a verrrry sensitive baby, and were weary.
Nolan will be a year old at the end of this month, and most of the skin occurrences happen with a new food. Food allergies are now our battle. We have yet to have a rash happen since he’s been four months (thank you Jesus)! The kid won’t touch meat whatsoever which is strange to me since we are all carnivores around here, but all kiddos are different. My guilt has diminished somewhat, but it’ll still forever me a mystery to me as to why his body couldn’t tolerate my milk.
Has anything like this happened to you or someone you know? Was it as bad/worse? What did you/they do?