I’m gonna get sappy here, so you have been warned.
There is honestly nothing more heartfelt than a brand new baby in your arms. The little squirmy motions, the sweet little sounds, and the pure smell the have. You can’t have a newborn in your arms and not ALMOST shed a tear. There’s something about being a mother that just absolutely changes you’re whole entire being. It’s not just the fact you have a little human that you’re responsible of, but something happens to your heart. Something good.
When I had Ava I was young, and I definitely wasn’t ready. I had different opinions from people trying to convince me that having a baby wasn’t the right decision. I knew the situation I was in was serious, but the initial shock left me unarmed. My feelings were hurt by those around me. How could people who loved me try to tell me to give up this child? How would I honestly live with myself and my selfish ways if that’s what I chose as a solution to this? So, you know what I did? I gave them the bird, (just kidding) and told them this was God’s plan for me and I’m going along for the ride. That something good in my heart spoke out to me, and I knew that the little human growing inside me would be one of the greatest things I’ve ever been blessed with.
I held my own and got through my pregnancy with the support I needed. I had a healthy 8lb 8oz baby girl two weeks early after a long and drawn out labor, and worked my way into motherhood. None of it was easy, but I tried my very best. At the time I was struggling with trying to find myself and who I needed to be for this little girl and her future. I went to school during the day, and worked a job at night. Sometimes not making it through the door until midnight and having to work my way through a few hours of studying before a new day began. Because of the long, but rushed days, I feel guilty that Ava’s time as an infant went by as quickly as it did. All of the firsts seemed to come so easily for her. She sat, she crawled, she climbed and before I knew it she was taking her very first steps. Now, she’s a four year old whose my very best little friend.
I can’t place a finger on the correct explanation of ‘that something good’ that happens. I’m not sure if everyone feels it, but it’s something that in a way, softens you. My kids are my life, and fill my entire heart with joy. As hard as it is on those days to get out of bed in the morning and start another day, there’s nothing sweeter than seeing their face light up when you walk into a room. The little beings that you call your own, who you as a mother gave birth to, look up to you and cherish you. Their hearts are filled with love because of you. You show them what there is to learn about the world, you protect them, you give them hope and strength, and courage. As a mother, you are the one person in their life who they will forever admire.
As I tucked the kids in bed tonight, I kissed both of them goodnight and walked away with a huge smile on my face. I’m blessed, my heart is full, and I’m PROUD to be a mama.