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As a mother, there is nothing more exhausting than a rough day with the kids. We all have those days no matter how well behaved they are. Kids are kids, and kids like to act up! However, being a woman AND a mother, there is nothing more terrifying than the guilt you receive when those days happen. Guilt? Let me explain…
It’s the end of the day, the kids are finally in bed and you feel like your head is still semi attached to your body. All you want to do is hit the sheets, but now that you have a moment of silence, all you want to do is endure it. Then, reality sets in and you realize that before you really lose your head, you probably can still fit in a few loads of laundry and finish tidying up the house. So, you drag yourself across the living room floor and do just that. Now, here you are folding the last load of laundry when the day starts to catch up with you and you have a breakdown. The husband is comfortably laying there in bed, feet propped up, bowl of popcorn on the lap and watching Sports Center. All the while you’re digging through the laundry hamper to match that one last sock and crying your eyes out. He looks over at you thinking, “my wife is a nut job” while shoving a handful of popcorn in his mouth, but knows he has to ask what’s wrong. He does, then regrets it because that’s when you word vomit a whole bunch of nonsense.
“Am I really that bad of a mother? Why do they like to disobey? Am I not paying them enough attention? Do I not kiss them enough? Maybe our disciplining techniques aren’t working? Do you know how much stress they gave me just trying to buy two freaking groceries at the store? She was fine last week, what changed this week? OH, and all of the sudden we don’t like turkey sandwiches? By the way, you didn’t take out the trash like I said, and it freaking stinks!”
Yes, everything and yes, you expect him to give you all the right answers. Normally, my husband knows exactly what I need to hear. I’ll get, “Jenna you’re a great mother, but kids cry and learn how to test us. Don’t get down on yourself.” That’s what I mean about guilt. As mothers, we try to punish ourselves for the bad days that we have. You always want to ask yourself what the heck you’re doing so wrong for them to become such little crazy people! Why is the baby crying so much and so eagerly attached at my hip? Oh, he’s teething. Now you feel guilty because you complained and all he wanted was some love. Why does your four year old all of the sudden refuse to eat a grilled cheese when it’s been her favorite for the last four years? We go through a tremendous battle eating lunch that day with sounds barrier breaking screams, and then you feel guilty for getting so frustrated with her because maybe she really doesn’t like them anymore. “No, Jenna, she’s testing you. It’s cheese and bread.” Is what I’d get from my husband.
Then, there are the days when the kids are perfect. The baby is happy, and you’re all cruising down the grocery isles and see THAT mom pushing her cart full of goodies passed you with two screaming kids and one baby on her hip ripping out her earring. You feel terribly bad for her because you’ve been there. She may have a breakdown later that evening. Those are good days, for you at least.
Most of the time my husband is spot on. I don’t know how he knows everything, but he really does. Except for whether or not I was really in labor. He didn’t believe me. Kids DO test you and they DO go through phases, but that doesn’t mean you’re a bad mother. Every child is different, and every parent parent’s different. I’ll never forget a time when I expressed to a woman, “when you have kids, they don’t come with a manual.” Her response, “there are plenty of parenting books out there if you actually go buy one.” WELL, DUH WOMAN! Clearly, she didn’t get what I meant. When you give birth, it’s beautiful and wonderful and all the mushy gushy stuff, but like I said, every child is different and you don’t have a manual that tells you exactly how to fix that model. I still think about that lady, and she still gives me a sour taste in my mouth.
Regardless of how much you’re kids are acting out, as long as you know in your heart that you are doing the very best job you can… remember, that’s all that matters. You are a mama, one of the greatest, most rewarding jobs you can ever have. Also, the hardest and sometimes the most challenging job as well. Remember to give yourself a pat on the back because at the end of the day, those little souls love you unconditionally and nothing can ever replace that. Guilt will bring you down and drive you mad. Don’t punish yourself for a bad day or even a bad week. Time passes way too quickly and before you know it you’ll be wishing for simpler days when they were little because eventually they all turn into teenagers. Now, that’s scary!